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Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Astral Pariah, Father: Part I, Mother, Artist. Artists. (2020), Panic Machine, It's Not Us, It's You, Never Born, Never Dead, Darkness, Oh Hell, and 4 more.
1. |
Bad Dreams
05:26
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I was watching her sleep
I was watching her breathe
I was watching her dream
I hoped she was dreaming of me...
The room was stale and sodden
It's 85 in Autumn
I thought it was hot in here
But it's hot outside
And I thought about my problems
Everybody wants to solve them
But problems are problems
And these problems are mine
Then I think about time...
I have time, right? Right? Right?
Ben crossed the street just a little too late
So he's gone and I accept that it's fate
It's just fate, what's so great about fate?
Don't get me started on fate.
I saw Ben
In a dream last night
I asked about heaven and he said "Heaven's alright."
Of course it is man
You're still sharp as a knife!
I asked about heaven
And he said "Heaven's just fine."
That's the tyranny,
That's the identity
Of time as a body fifteen feet in the air
All that concrete
Versus timing
What about destiny and Hollywood endings?
I'm not smashing any mirrors
I'm not walking under ladders
I'm not opening umbrellas
I'm not sparking with white lighters
It's just every time we try to meet
Liz was far away from me
In essence or by space
It took Ben
It took death
It took time
Yeah it took time.
I exhale my smoke towards the rotating fan
Liz wakes from her dream and she squeezes my hand
She says "Good morning."
Good morning!
You look so precious just dreaming of me!
She blinks and laughs me off...
She says "Boy if you knew I wasn't dreaming of you...
You are dreaming of me.
Still right now you imagine me say
These words right back at yourself."
Then I woke myself shaking from deja vu.
I saw Ben
I saw Her
I've got Luck
I've got Fate
I've got Time...
Bad dreams... It was like a bad dream woah.
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2. |
Botanicas
05:12
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I swear to god I've only been to three botanicas
A holy sermon and two bars under candlelight
And I was cleansed at all but the only problem was
I can't remember anything or what the problem was
I howled in the moonlight
I drank my cupboards dry
I shined my soul to all
I sang with all my friends that night
And they sang with me too, yeah...
These are the demigods
These are the statuettes
These are the candles you put on shelf and you sell as a spell, well
That morning I woke I got to my feet
I cooked up some coffee then went back to sleep
It's just these days
These days yeah
All the money I spend is worth the trouble I find
I still miss you too much but pretend that it's fine
And all I can say
And all I can say is, yeah
These are the demigods
These are the statuettes
I scream in my sleep
I moan and I yell
I long for a potion
I ache for a spell
To rid me of this terror
These endless nights of horror
I wish I remembered
That night when I fell
You condemned the whole city
You plagued us to hell
I thought you were just joking
I swore "She must be joking,"
How could I forget
You in sunsets
Your soft silhouette
The spell that you said
Big sunglasses
Vanilla milkshake
Cherry lipstick
The look that you gave
You summoned the ghosts
Well now you've got 'em
Your heart's cold revenge
For your head's little problems
I hope they let you sleep
So I can get some sleep
The spell books and candles
The potions in bottles
You spoke yourself ill
Despite what's in common
With your rational behavior
Sarcastic tone and nature
I wonder how I
Get so tired
When I set my
Bed on fire
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3. |
El Cowboy Rojo
04:30
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I left my house at a quarter to four
Saw my boy, Sean, at the record store
I said "Damn man, it's been way too long"
He said, "Hey brother, how it's nice to see ya,
Hows your girl, Anna Lucia?
Four years with one chick's way too long"
"I know this blonde her name's Christina
She's just your type I'm sure she'd love to meet ya"
Haha
Damn, I couldn't believe it
I run my mouth dry then I try to feed it
The thought could give me an ulcer
But the truth of the matter is I'd love to meet her
Fuck, I mean I love Anna Lucia
But the touch of another just seems so "whoa whoa"
I mean I'm better without her
What's the use of a name, without a number?
Yeah
Sean left and said "good luck"
Then he jumped into his truck
He yelled, "Your secrets safe man, I don't give a fuck"
"Okay, gimme her number
Thought about it, yeah I'd love to meet her
I've got the place if she's got the time"
I knew Anna's going out on Sunday
Staying with her mom till late on Monday
I know she won't expect a thing
I met Christina at her work on Friday
We hit it off and we were both excited
I invited her on Sunday for a drink
Sunday came quick and so did Christina
She shook me harder than Anna Lucia
She yelled, and screamed my name
I couldn't believe the sin was conceived; the culprit was me
Christina was sweet but trite naive, she wasn't for me
No doctor's degree, no clean history, no small crooked teeth
My precious baby, Anna, if only I could tell ya,
I'd tell ya I was sorry, it was never worth it
After the sex, we cleaned up our mess, then we got dressed
Christina said "Please, don't write or call me."
I grinned and agreed, Anna arrived on Monday night, with tears in her eyes
She said " I ain't your fuckin' baby, tell me I am crazy,
I know just what happened, hope you're fucking happy."
Get your hands off of my hands, lover
I can smell the blood of another
Get your hands off of my hands...
Lover
I didn't need to hear this or that
I got a woman's intuition as a matter of fact
I can still smell the salt and the sex in your breath
Better hit the road, Jack, 'fore I cut you up dead
So help me God if I catch you alive
You burned me so bad that I can't even cry.
Pack up everything that you plan to keep.
I'm heading for the bar and I'm having some drinks...
Get your hands off of my hands, lover
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4. |
Anna Lucia
05:10
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Anna Lucia steps out of her car
Loosens her scarf as she enters the bar
Then she goes dancing
And romancing
Anna Lucia drinks rum for revenge
Thinks of her cowboy all covered in red
The she just smiles
Turns to her left and...
Anna makes talk with the man to her side
Asks him his plans for the rest of the night
Then he says "Anna,"
"You are gorgeous,"
Then she falls into his arms
Says "This won't be so hard,"
"Just to love you,"
"Over nothing,"
"Over something."
Yeah.
A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do
Doesn't matter how she gets it
Or if she speaks the truth
Her eyes bright with love
And a warm sense of touch...
She'd confess herself to heaven just to kill the God above.
Anna Lucia just follows his car
Parks on the street while he opens his door
To his apartment
But she's conflicted
Anna conceals a blade in her purse
Her mind is made up when she pulls down her skirt
She say "Please excuse me,"
"I'll be right back, hun,"
Anna goes back to her bag for the knife
Returns to the room and then turns out the light
Goodnight
Goodnight
For the wolves that try to hurt us
For the wolves that go desert us
For the wolves that don't deserve us
Here's luck's revenge
He spots her knife when she gets on top and
Asks her calmly what she's going to do then
She looks up at the ceiling then cries, says:
"I want revenge."
Then he grabs her by her arms
Says "Will it fix your heart?"
"Just to kill me?"
"Over nothing?"
"Over something?"
Yeah
Then she falls right to her knees
Screams "Please don't break my heart!"
"Just to love me,"
"Over nothing"
"Just for something"
Yeah
For the snakes that will betray us
For the sharks that still destroy us
For the fucks who set your heart on fire
Who's crying now?
Anna Lucia
I'm pleased to meet ya
Please don't say goodnight, no, no
Anna Lucia
I'm pleased to meet ya
Please don't call this luck, no
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5. |
Bad Winter
02:38
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Can you
Give me a minute here
I promise
It won't be so bad
I just wanted you to know
You left me in the cold
Just so you know
Just so you know
Your guilty
Red guilty
I want you to confess
Cry about the mess you made
To make another mess
I'll call up Doug to pick me up
On Union Square west
You tell me how damn mean I am
Well, I learned it from the best, babe
What did you do?
Hold it against me
Not me against you
You can write it down on paper
You can speak it till you're blue
Sifting through your sources
Quoting moments of the truth
Fragments of my wrist watch
Keeping time away from you
Is the only time worth telling
So I can ask my youth:
"What did you do?"
We walked and wept and wondered who would save us
Was it you or me who talked of being dangerous
When we walked with wondrous woe of being famous
Was it you or me who spoke of being saviors
It doesn't matter to me
What will be, will be
All I wanted
Was one shining moment
One vote for the apocalypse
Two tickets out to sea
It doesn't matter to me
Everyone else seems to see
All I needed
Was one perfect smile
One kiss on the cheek
And for you to remember me
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6. |
Geneva
04:26
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She walks into a gas station restroom
She pulls out a key attached to string
She ties the string to her teeth, yeah
She swallows the key, uncomfortably
I've been following her
For two weeks in Geneva
Just to get the key
Hope she hasn't spotted me
I've been trailing her
Via hitch from a trucker
Who was talky and greedy
He cost me 80 euros
We follow her fancy black limo
To the airport outside of Geneva
We pull up to terminal C
I give the driver an extra sixty to forget about me
It's kind of hard to say when this all began
She and I were mercenaries in Japan
We both were so young
We both fell in love
Five years later we were getting ready to retire
Saving money from the hits we did together
We were high profile killers
No bullshit
So we moved to Spain
We both changed our names
Settled down
Got out of the game
And I still hear her voice
And I still smell her hair
Dammit these dreams
When she comes back to me
I can't believe my luck
The only person I could trust
You know killing is tough
When you first fall in love
Yeah she two timed me
Yeah she stole the key
Moved all my money
To some bank across the sea
She books a flight to Toronto tonight
I'm heading towards a lock smith in Michigan
You know I could've just killed her
But she's not that kind of girl, no
Sometimes, I really just wish she was
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7. |
Toronto
06:43
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I pack my bags
Yeah
I call a cab
Yeah
I call Nigel
then I start to laugh
Oh
How would I know
Oh
Michigan is just as cold
The plane took off
And there I was
A car drove up
I had a new plan
Yeah
One that would save my key
And spare her life so I could tell her
How my dear did we get here?
Stinging clear like my breath oh my breath oh my
Riddled in tears and shaking with fear
I'm stuck to this death for the rest of this mess of my life
So I pulled into the Hilton in Detroit
I checked into room 4-2-0
I ordered the sirloin au chateau
I phoned Nigel, the locksmith, my hero
Now I-I-I told him what I want
And he gave me a solution
"Now my main man you need a camera"
"With some super tight resolution like"
"How my friend will this said end"
"Bring you so clear, so clear, so clear goddamn"
"Pretend it's done and don't give a fuck"
"Or you're stuck to this death for the rest of this mess of your life"
I can't believe my luck
The only person I could trust
I call the Four Seasons in Toronto
The only place my girl would stay
The concierge was rather pleasant
When I called her by her first name
I ask her if she knows my girl
She seemed so excited to say:
"She's in room eight eleven,"
"So where would you like to stay?"
I say well "I don't know"
"I'd love to surprise her if it's apropos?"
"Whatcha got on the ninth floor?"
"Room nine eleven would be the most,"
"Well sir it's your lucky day"
"The room's open if you'd like to stay"
"Yes please, I appreciate"
"Your discretion and your manners, Kate"
My flight lands at two nineteen
A short-hand hails a cab for me
I tell the driver to head to mall
So I can get some shopping done
I tell the cabbie that I won't be long there
He agrees and keeps the meter on
I get a camera and twelve feet of rope there
Then we're off to the hotel
I check into nine eleven
Make a date with the mini bar
I wait up till 5 in the morning
When I know she's asleep for sure
I tie the rope to my balcony
Descend to her balcony
I pick the lock on the sliding glass door
I creep in and fall to the floor
I know she can't sleep with that key
So she leaves it out obviously
Right there for me to see
I take a picture then I start to think
How my dear did we get here?
Stinging clear like my breath oh my breath oh my
Riddled in tears and shaking with fear
I'm stuck to this death for the rest of this mess of my life
I can't believe my luck
The only person I could trust
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8. |
Nola
06:30
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I fly back down to Michigan
Bring a picture of the key
I show the locksmith Nigel
And then he laughs at me
The key is something digital
He can't recreate
So I track her down to New Orleans
To ask her on a date
Man I should've done this
A way long time ago
I pretend it was an accident
We're at the same hotel
"Hey there, miss, remember me?"
"We used to have a ball."
She tells me she's excited
And agrees that we should talk
Yes
Let's have a drink
Let's have a talk
Let's meet at your place at nine
So we do
We drink some wine
We talk about old times
Then she cries
She says "I'm sorry"
I tell her that it's fine
I move in close
I hold her tight
I tell her to relax or
If
she
moves
I'll
break
her
neck
This is for
Everything
Anytime
Anything
Breaking me
Leaving me
Stealing keys
Comes to an end
She
Cries
Stop
But
I don't see
Why I should
When she
Didn't for me
I
Say
Fine
But
It's
Too late
I didn't mean to kill her
But I gone done did it
I wish I could've told her
It was over
Love, love, love
And money
So I grab her bottom lip
I pull her mouth wide open
Then I pull out my key
It was covered in
Stomach
Acid
Then I book my flight
I head back to Geneva
I don't believe in God
But I do believe I'm evil
I think about my life
I ponder my decisions
I walk into the bank
With 20/20 vision
I open up my lock box
I only found a note
It reads "I'm sorry that I left you"
"But you have been set up, love.."
Rub my eyes and turn around
Sure enough I had been found
Two guys approached me
Put a gun to my head
They told me how lucky
I am to be dead
I kneel down and feel a pinch
All I taste is smoke and soot
Don't trust
Your luck
Played my cards and now I see
This whole time she was playing me
The only people you can trust
Are in control of your blood's luck
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9. |
Years So Much
06:48
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The landlord's a cut throat
We've gotta calm down before he wakes
And I'm trying to breathe right
I'm closing my eyes in hope she disappears
She's crying an ocean about me
I tell her:
"Lock it up."
And that's when the dish breaks
I swear to god it was the loudest bang
She's holding a pistol
Goddamn, I bet she's never felt so...
She's shaking like a nine millimeter
I tell her:
"Rat-tat-tat"
Now I'm leaving for the rest of my life tonight
And I kissed her neck and I hugged her tight
No need to jump through the window
You know I'm a sucker for crescendos
And I begged her to tell me that she loved me the same
She shook her head and said she'll never love again
I made a dash to the window
Fuck it, I'm gonna kill the crescendo
So it goes.
So it goes.
In heaven so it goes.
Everybody knows
How far the rabbit goes
A clone of copied xerox
From the hanger in his throat
I gathered up my evidence
I threw on my winter coat
A black cat crossed my path
And then I saw his ghost
"Stand still."
Can't you
"Stand still."
"I can't beat your case of bad blues unless you tell me you love her still."
And I could see it meant more to him than anything had before
He shook his head in horror and said "Now I love her more."
And as he hit the window he stopped to say "goodbye"
She was running towards him with the devil in her eyes
He fell
Face first
Ten floors
With her
On top of him beautifully tumbling - dancing almost
He laughed
She winked
The flag burns
Ship sinks
Both of them smashing and breaking so brilliantly
He was always saying:
"If it's broke it's not worth saving,"
Regretfully the irony
Was never more so fitting
He was always cheating
And she as always dreaming
Of him coming home one day
And tell her that he's leaving
"Stand still."
Can't you
"Stand still."
You can't avoid the window unless you leave the window sill.
My blood fills with ice, I thought
"Damn how it's nice to feel
Sober and bright,"
I thought
"Goddamn, it's nice!"
My dreams filled with ice, I thought
"Damn, how it's bright
I never treated her nice
I should've killed myself twice."
Bad dreams
It was like a bad dream woah
The story of my life
Climbing up stairs felt like
Gripping the ledge
Clearing my head
She pushed me
Over the edge
(Get your hands off of my hands lover)
Bad dreams, it was like a bad dream woah
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10. |
Good Luck
04:24
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Children running down the street in uniforms laughing in the rain
And heading towards me, they were yelling about something
They were singing in code, something like
Ten dead men on a dead mans chest, fight the war forget about the rest
They were searching for sunlight they were searching for gold
So I, catch a fever from the inside
Dip my hands into my pockets
Open up my wallet
Such a strange gesture to make in this town
"It sure ain't gold but it gets me around."
Then I grab a twenty from the inside
Hand it to the smallest, tell him "Spend it wisely."
He looks up at me then back at the ground
I just wish him luck and turn right around
Now I talk to myself late at night
Or I try to connect with the ghost who was a best friend
My brother, my accomplice, another writer, my best man
And sometimes I feel so forgiven at night
I just put down the shades but I open my window
The bad luck just leaves me I hear Ben tell me
"Brother, you're home."
I think it all started in the summer '98
In Normandy, New Jersey, later in the day
I was thinking about existence, and unaccepting fate
I was 14 years old, but what else can I say
Even then I knew time was gonna catch me
I graduated private school in the summer of '02
My first true love had left me and I didn't know what to do
I moved into New York and I thought I found the truth
A pint glass full of paddy's and pills you shouldn't chew
Well, I swore that the drugs were gonna kill me
I was wrong I was wrong, I was writing a song
I tried to blame myself because she was gone
I didn't know that she was unaffected, her bad luck came through a needle
I knew that the drugs were gonna kill her
Fast forward to the fall of '05
I met the girl of my dreams, and she helped me survive
Then she left my life at complicated times
In march of '06 I attempted suicide
Well, I know that sudafed can't kill me
For everyone who knew, yeah, I apologize
I'm sorry mom and dad, no I never meant to make you cry
Thanks to all my friends you're the reason I'm alive
You make everyday worth living in this ribbon called time
Well, it'll take more than bad luck just to kill me!
Limbs and things and verbs and sounds
I got ten years of words buried in the ground
They're being reassembled by the ghost of Ben Brown
He's adapting the screenplay even still now
And he better cast someone cool like Johnny Depp to play me
The child took my 20 and he looked me in the eyes
He said "Thanks, mister for the gold." and continued walking by
I could see him proudly show his friends it made me want to cry
Cause all I could do was think of mine, I know I'm a lucky guy
And thank you all for everything I miss you all, goodnight
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Trophy Scars Morristown, New Jersey
Post-whatever, psych-soaked blues. Est. 2002, NJ.
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